Three Months of Pain and Upheaval

Most people spend their GAP year overseas; travelling, exploring, volunteering on a global adventure. I am different to most people. I ended up spending mine moving to Armidale, a small inland country town halfway between Sydney and Brisbane, and going to uni without any means of supporting myself. After 1 1/2 years of minimal academic effort, I achieved little academic progress and I decided to get into gear and left uni. I was really just wasting my time and accumulating debt.

I put myself out in the Sydney job market and got numerous offers. As I needed some income, fast, I took the first job offered. It was a great job working with fantastic people and it was just what I needed to lift myself out the hole I threw myself into. I thought it would last. I thought I would last. But as history will show, I only lasted four weeks. The end was sudden and abrupt. At 2pm Monday July 18 2005, I was told to pack up my things, return my security pass, and leave IMMEDIATELY. It came out of nowhere and I did not know what to do so I just marched myself to Centrelink and queued with all the other losers. I knew that I wasn't going to claim any welfare payments but it was just something to fill the time.

I was pretty bummed afterwards and I just went on with my life like nothing had happened. I took my cousin, Annie, out for Dinner and then to a live gig performed by That1Guy and his amazing Australian support bands at The Basement, Circular Quay. The music was absolutely amazing and we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. The next day, I pretended that I had the day off and just stayed in bed and finished a disappointing Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince. Then on Wednesday, I picked Bryan up from Central Station and went to Margaret Cho exactly as planned. She was also disappointing. She looked fantastically thin but dressed very casually. She wasn't as entertaining or funny as I hoped she would be. Everyone from Armidale was there and hung around for the next two days for Burton's Birthday. I felt trapped. It was as if I had never left the gay ghetto of Armidale.

Why do I always feel the need to escape? - I really need an answer to this question

Bryan stayed with me in Chatswood and I played the good host/local tour guide. We also brought down our domestic bill sorting especially Armidale's crazy town gas billing system which is now based in Perth (hence the reason why you can't contact them most of the time cause they're 3 hours slow). I now owe $106 on top of the $54 credit I have. I am still paying my share of the rent in Armidale and I need someone to move into the spare room. I don't know how Bryan will afford to pay next quarter's gas bill.

It has now been 3 months since my Grandfather (Lao Ye - Mum's side) passed away and two mornings ago, I lost my other Grandpa (Ye Ye - Dad's side). I feel a lot of pain and numerous regrets. I wish my passport didn't just expire and that I have sufficient funds to fly to Beijing.

On the job search front, the job market is slower than it was but all is going well. I have a whole range of opportunities to dabble in and I will know what I'm doing hopefully next week.

There are so many places I want to travel to and so many things I want to experience. Right now, I am still searching for a sense of stability. That is all I want.